____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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