How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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