i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
