I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
