I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
