this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
