I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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