Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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