there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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