It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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