I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
