Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
