I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
