You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
