did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
