people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
