I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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