I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
