I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
