just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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