Christians are straight up FREAKS
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
