there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
