SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
