VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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