love makes seman taste better
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
