somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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