I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
