shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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