it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
