and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
