If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
