I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
