Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
