he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
