I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
