I am puke
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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