I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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