i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just used a chaser for red wine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
