I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
