pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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