never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
