I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
