When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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