My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
