btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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