cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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