i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
