I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
