i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this hospital has no fireball
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
