Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
