sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
