Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
